Dec 11 1982

At 1301 West 38th Street in Indianapolis sits the Woodstock Club.  The West Fork of the White River is a stone’s throw away and that rivers meanders through Indiana and then falls into the Wabash River.  On the night they made me, my father took my mother to the Woodstock Club to a Holiday Dinner Dance for Wabash Men and their Ladies.  Besides dinner and dancing, there would be a raffle, a video highlight of the 1982 undefeated football season, and a presentation to honor the Wabash Man of the Year.  The invitation also mentioned “Dress Optional” and they certainly did dress before they undressed. 

Annette wore a black bouclé dress that Les had bought her at Davidson’s on the Mall in Glendale, where he picked out clothes for her and then watched her try them on.  That evening, she looked beautiful, but more importantly she felt beautiful. 

On their way to their evening of dinner and dancing, Les stopped for his Lucky Strike cigarettes.  As she watched him walk across the parking lot, she was so in love and enamored by his handsome swagger.  He walked with the confidence of a man who knows he is handsome. 

They did not win the raffle or watch the video highlights—they dined and drank, danced and dashed.  From the Woodstock Club, they headed south to Route 40, a sleepy old highway that at one time went from coast to coast—Atlantic City to San Francisco—but now ends near Park City, Utah.  Annette soon discovered that she had a little too much fun, a little too much drink, and she got sick all over her black bouclé dress.  So they took a left at State Road 9 in Greenfield to Les’s house on Michigan Street, where he washed her dress for her.  

If they had taken a right, though, and then a left on Route 52 they would have come to the Bluebird Lounge in Morristown. Across the street from the Bluebird Lounge is the more-dressed-up Kopper Kettle Inn Restaurant, where they often had family meals as children and where they would one day take their own family and where, a day further on, Annette would host the bridal shower for the baby girl they were about to make. But, about twenty years earlier as young teenagers, it was the Bluebird Lounge they went to on a date.  

Their dinner had been pre-ordered for them by their parents, and it began with a fruit entree of watermelon. They joked about how far they had come from their playhouse days, remembering when Annette was ten and Les was nine, and she wrote a letter home while visiting her aunt on the East Coast. It began with a brief paragraph for her mother before instructing her mother to “give the letter to Les.” At the bottom, she wrote:

“Dear Les, I hope your [sic] getting along. The playhouse must be getting along. Love, Annette.” 

She ran a tight ship even then, and perhaps little Les ran out to check on the state of things. Or perhaps he didn’t, a sad foreshadowing of the mistakes they would both make that would cause their grown-up marriage to crumble.

They enjoyed their watermelon entree before life would take them different ways after high school and through their twenties.  Then they would find their way back to each other, all grown-up but not so different from the kids they were in the playhouse. 

After Les cleaned Annette’s dress, they made their way back to Route 40 and continued on through Knightstown and Lewisville and Straughn until they reached Dublin.  A right turn at Johnson Street which becomes South Street at the dogleg, and then (stay with me) a left on State Street which becomes Golay Road after Hunnicut, will bring you to the family farm Annette had known all her life.  That is where they were headed.  In case I lost you, here’s a map: 

It was a true homestead, made up of a farmhouse and a smaller adjacent house, as well as a barn and farmland.  Annette’s family had come up with quite clever names for the big farmhouse and the smaller house, names that they still go by to this day in our family—the Big House and the Little House. 

The Big House and barn:

The Little House (Polaroid photos from the 80s):

They made love in the Little House, and then sat naked outside on the screened-in back porch, smoking his Lucky Strikes.  In the morning, as she watched him leave from the window upstairs, she had a moment of her life, a moment of euphoria, where she thought, “I will never be this in love again.”  Perhaps she really knew or perhaps it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but either way she would come to know another type of love—the love between a mother and a daughter. 

An ultrasound was not commonplace in the 1980s, but one was not needed as she was sure she was having another boy. After four boys, she decided her fifth one would be named James. She did not even ponder names for a baby girl, except she knew she did not like Les’s suggestion of Aimée. It was not a baby boy, though, but a baby girl that arrived far too quickly for her to have an epidural.  After she recovered from both of these shocks, she held me in her arms and named me Jennifer.  A God-given name, she has suggested, as it came to her so suddenly, as if He sent an angel to whisper it into her ear. I don’t have the heart to tell her it was the most popular girl’s name of 1983. A new lifelong friendship began, and she took me home to the Little House. 

Sep 30 1983

Dear Annette,

Tonight is the grand opening of the first completed condominium in Riley School.  It is nothing short of spectacular.  It will be open as a model and I can’t wait for you to see it when you have the opportunity to come over.  After three years of working toward this, it is like a dream seeing it all finally happen.

Municipal elections are this November 8th, so here I am again doing layouts for advertising, brochures, etc.  This is my “last hurrah” in this advertising bit – it’s just not much fun anymore – only a headache.  A for real case of “burn out.”

I know Mother and Dad want to come over to see Jennifer.  They’ve had trouble getting a good day – Dad has lots of meetings and Mother with her therapy sessions.  They are going to Hawaii October 1st for ten days so I hope they can make it over before then.

I called the IRS and got an extension on submittal of all the documentation.  What a royal pay in the — all this is!  They have given me until Oct. 18 to send it all.

People are still remarking on how pretty Jenny is – even though none of her pictures reflect her true “baby doll” features.  I hope you and she are by now getting some semblance of a normal night’s rest.  And while the rigors of meeting her schedule are great I’m sure that finally getting to dote over the daughter you thought you would never have gives you special joy.  While she is God’s gift to us both – she is His special gift to you.  I am so very happy for you.

my love to each,

Les

In my experience, losing a parent when you are young causes you to cling to every piece of them that you can, every detail of their life that you can find or someone will offer, the good and the bad because it takes both to know a person.

Over the years, we have been given things that were in storage – one of those things was a drawing of the old Greenfield High School, also known as Riley Elementary School.  I knew my dad loved historical buildings – it would make sense that he would keep a drawing like this – and I was happy to lay my eyes on something he loved.  Then my uncle explained that one of my dad’s real estate projects was converting the old high school into condominiums.  In 1985, just as it was nearing completion, it was destroyed in a fire. What a great loss for him, as well as for Greenfield, losing a beautiful building that held so many memories. I took the drawing home and hung it in my living room, wondering if my dad had it hanging somewhere or if he took it down after the fire.

A couple years later, my mom gave me a letter my dad wrote to her in 1983 shortly after I was born.  My eyes first skimmed the letter, taking in his handwriting, which has a resemblance to my brother Andrew’s. As I read the first paragraph, the drawing comes to mind as he writes about his project at Riley School.  It felt like when you find two puzzle pieces that satisfyingly fit together.  So now the drawing and letter live side-by-side as they brought my dad to life, helping me know him a little bit more than I did before.

Jul 17 1957

My parents shared a lifelong love and friendship even if the whole marriage part didn’t work out.

Their parents were old friends, but Les was also the boy next door, quite literally, as their houses sat next to each other on Michigan Street in Greenfield, Indiana. They had a playhouse, which Annette took very seriously based off a letter from 1957. Nine-year-old Annette went to visit her aunt on the East Coast and wrote home to check on things.

There is a lot I love about this letter: her cursive, that she called her little brother “sweet big Jeff,” that she asked, nay demanded, her mom to give the letter to my dad, that she dated the letter twice, and those two lines of hers to my almost-nine-year-old dad that sound to me like “Hope you’re doing fine but that playhouse better be thriving.” Her letter never fails to make me smile.

Dec 6 1980

My mother was a winter bride forty-one years ago today.

Annette and Les took their honeymoon a few months after the wedding, and they were already living apart. The playhouse wasn’t getting along. And then a telltale sign – perhaps confirming what they already knew – my father’s wedding ring cracked on their honeymoon, right through the engraving on the inside of the word “Always.” Years later, the ring will be given a second chance, repaired and worn by one of my brothers as his wedding ring.

Every Christmas, I hang a beautiful crystal ornament engraved with 1980 on my tree to celebrate their friendship and their union. Happy Anniversary to my parents.

Nov 11 2021

My dad got us a piano the year he died. So when I started to learn to play as a little girl, I imagined the piano notes and music to be like a language that he could hear wherever he was, like he got us the piano so we could still communicate. I have never really outgrown that thought.

Here is “Blackbird” for my dad, Les Barr, 8/21/48 – 11/11/91. Recorded for the 30th anniversary of his death on the same piano he gave me so I could still reach him.

As I listen back to this recording, I can hear a faint bird call right in the middle. A reply from him because why not and who’s to say? I am always looking and listening for him, and over thirty years, I’ve gotten pretty good at it.