Gravy can be finicky.
So while watching my mom make it, I asked her to explain her gravy rules for a cooking simpleton like me.
This is what she said:
If you don’t want your gravy to taste like milk, you use water. Fried chicken dinner, you would want to use milk. I also use milk for a ham loaf. Water is used for beef dishes usually.
I can see my mother now, mixing up her flour and water in a glass. Half a glass of water and a tablespoon of flour. You want the flour mixed into the water like you’re making a paste, you don’t want the flour resting at the bottom.
Examine the bottom of your pan where you cooked your meat. You must be careful that there’s not too much fat. You want about two tablespoons of fat, so if there is more than that, remove it from the pan. This will be enough gravy for about four people.
Then you add it to the pan that you cooked your meat in, and scrape the bottom to blend the flour water with the drippings.
Turn up the heat until thickened.
(Note: At this point, my mom used the word “fond” here, which was beyond my understanding. I questioned her as to whether that was a real word, and researched it later on wikipedia. “In the culinary arts, fond is a contraction of fonds de cuisine which is loosely described as ‘the foundation and working capital of the kitchen.’ It refers to the flavorful solid bits of food stuck to a pan or pot after cooking. These bits are deglazed with a liquid in order to produce a gravy, stock, broth, or sauce.” So it is a real word, only further confirmation that my mom knows what she is talking about.)
You can add dashes of things, like Worcestershire or Kitchen Bouquet (seasoning in a bottle).
I used to use this special flour called Wondra.
Most of your flavor comes from what’s in the pan.
I hope this helps you on your gravy journey. And if you have your own tips and tricks, you know I will take them.
coming full circle 
But this was what I’ve been trying to reply to you:
Jenny,
Thanks so much for sharing. I loved reading about what your mom said and how she made gravy. My dad taught me to make gravy.
I don’t have it verbatim the way you did your mom, but he made gravy often. He did most cooking till I got old enough to take over. My older sister Sara tried to help in the kitchen and she says he’d tell her, just let Mary do the cooking!!
Anyway, we almost always made chicken gravy in that chicken was my father’s favorite meat. Growing up in the deep depression he only got to have chicken if company came.
So, chicken gravy with milk was it. He also made his with flour, but from there his method alters.
He would remove the chicken and check how much grease was in the pan with the ‘fond'( a new word for me as well!!). If too much, we’d remove some. Then he’d sprinkle flour all over the bottom of the pan. He’d then take a fork and begin stirring it all around keeping the fork tines flat against the bottom of the pan. Once the flour started to cook a bit he’d slowly add the milk, stirring constantly, still with the fork. He have it on low heat and he’d continue stirring and adding milk till it had just began to barely thicken. Then he’d cook till it began to bubble. He said it had to bubble in order to not taste like the flour. Once it boiled if it looked to think he’d quickly stir in a bit more milk.
It was always delicious. I made it this way for years until I discovered cornstarch!!! I then started making it by adding the milk to the fond and mixing up a small glass of milk and cornstarch, much like your mother with her flour. I’d add that to the warmed milk in the pan, still using a fork to stir. The reason I loved cornstarch is/was it didn’t have to come to a boil to not taste like flour, because sometimes it was tricky to get the gray to boil without scorching the milk!!!
So there is how Pastor Hopwood and one of his daughters made/make gravy.
I agree with using water for all other gravies like your mother.
I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.
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Dear Mary,
I never saw Pastor Hopwood in the kitchen, but thanks to you I now have a vision of him making gravy at a stove.
Life is made up of the little details. Thank you for taking the time to share these with me. I loved the glimpse into your memories.
-Jenny
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Our dad was the one who cooked most of the time. He taught me much of what I know, taught to him by his mom. He made the best homemade bread. I’d love a big thick slice from it fresh out of the oven with melting butter. He made pies too. And his fried chicken was the best.
There is just so much!!! It would take awhile to tell all of it. Thank you for letting me share.
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A man that can cook! A real blessing to help with the daily question of “What’s for dinner?”
I wonder if our church was lucky enough to have one of his pies at our potlucks. And now I want a big thick slice of homemade bread 🙂
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